Sadism/masochism

Motivation separates the masochist from the submissive. A submissive is motivated by the desire to please and to serve. When pain becomes necessary for satisfaction or fulfillment, the relationship has moved beyond my definition of the D/s lifestyle and had moved more toward S/M. When pain becomes the motivation and gratification comes from receiving pain, the person could best be described as a masochist. This difference is often evident in the behavior of these two types of personalities. A SAMmy (Smart Ass Masochist) deliberately misbehaves or challenges their dominant in order to receive the punishment (pain or humiliation) they crave. Outside the confines of a scene or other sexual encounter there may be very little submission evidenced in the relationship. A submissive is constantly striving to improve their behavior in order to please their dominant by surrendering to his or her rules and expectations. Submission, in the confines of a D/s relationship, is not measured by the amount of pain one can endure; instead it is measured by the amount of control one has relinquished to their dominant. 

The clash of the S/M submissives and D/s submissives has become a resounding clamor of late.  There IS a difference in the terms and there IS a difference in the motivation of the ones who surrender their personal power in the two groups.  Consider this, there are submissives that do not NEED to have their submission wrestled from them in order to submit. And there are dominants that want no part of the continual struggle to maintain control of one who is pushing the limits of the dominant's endurance in order to fulfill their need to be overpowered and punished.  Some get gratification from pain or humiliation, while there are those submissives that gently surrender their personal power as an act of love and devotion to one who has become their dominant One.  In S/M there are bottoms who are truly submissive but love the higher end of the erotic pain spectrum and in D/s there are submissives who need the same thing but don't base the entire relationship on the pleasure/pain scale. Both are submissive...both have found a way to make it work for them.  Surrendering personal power and the endurance of pain or humiliation that is consensual in nature are NOT the same and never will be. One person may very eagerly submit to what seems to be extreme activities in the realm of S/M and never surrender control of any other area of their life. Their definition of submission is "submitting to something I like and gives me and my top pleasure." That is bottoming not submission. Once the scene is over and both are satisfied with the results, it ends.  

There are 24/7 D/s relationships that can flourish without any S/M activities whatsoever. Erotic pain is not the motivation for submission. It comes from the nature of the people themselves. Erotic pain is not the reward they seek. They seek fulfillment in surrendering and being taken care of by someone in whom they have put their ultimate trust. Tolerating pain is not the measure of the depth of their surrender. They measure it in their willingness to give up control to the One who has dominance over them. They aren't in it for what they get...they are in it for what they can give. Their surrender of control of what they wear, how they speak and where they sleep in order to please their dominant is just as valid as the one who endures 50 painful lashes of a cane to please theirs. That very submissive who submits willingly to being pierced or branded may violently react at being told what to wear or having to ask to go to the bathroom. It's all in what YOU and YOUR dominant want and need to be happy and fulfilled.